A Humble Prayer



Good morning beautiful! I hope you are having a great week despite the current state of the world. I wanted to blogpost because I began to feel myself sinking and I wanted to make a conscious effort to choose joy. The world is currently weighing down my spirit as well as this isolation from the outside world. I miss interacting with people and being in this “bubble” LOL is not the most ideal circumstance. I pray that you all are enjoying yourselves no matter where you are. Whether you are home, on vacation, at work, etc., may your day be a joyful one. Holding onto whatever joy you can find is so important. It is survival. We cannot control the external world, but we can control internal worlds, reactions, thoughts and feelings. I know how hard this is because I am currently working to undo toxic traits and habits that I have. Loneliness is a tough feeling because you can have hundreds of people around, but if you feel isolated, it is a difficult thing to shake. I have been feeling isolated lately, so I am working to do things that promote self-care and self-preservation. Sometimes, it can be exhausting to bring myself up to practice self care, but I know that in the end it is worth it.



Now that all of the formalities are out of the way, we can get started. Today is July 16th, 2020 and talk about a year that we have had. My mother said something so poignant, “2020 is the year of vision, because we are seeing everything undo and unravel”. I have never heard truer words, because the general public are beginning to see all of the evils and wrongdoings of the world. So much has taken place already in a short span of seven months, but I urge you to please choose joy. So what exactly is choosing joy? You ever had to take care of a younger sibling and they either throw a tantrum, ask you for things or wake you up out of your sleep? Instead of losing your cool and running out of patience, look at the situation compassionately. Choose joy so that you will not have to carry extra baggage. Release that tension of annoyance and frustration. Try to replace it with compassion and mercy. I know that when I am annoyed or angered, my entire vibe switches. My jaw becomes tense and clenched. My posture is slouched. My hand covers my face almost to hide my emotions and my mouth falls into this semi-permanent frown. I say all of that to say, I can sometimes allow anger to disrupt my peace instead of using it healthily. How many times have you allowed another person’s presence, their words, or their actions to interrupt your emotional stability? I am raising my hand virtually because I have many times. I am not the best with arguing because I do not enjoy it and sometimes I get so emotional that I start to breakdown before I can actually articulate my sentence. In short, I would be the worst lawyer ever LOL. However, healthy arguments are a part of life. Notice how I said HEALTHY arguments. Throwing objects. NO. Yelling at the other person. NO. Breaking the other person down. NO. Listening to respond, but not to understand the other person’s perspective or experience. NO. Now, we are human beings so if you have done any of the things above, it is okay. You were in survival mode and you gave what you knew at the moment. You were working with what you had and you had to sort out all of your own traumas as well, so please be compassionate with yourself. The overall message that I want to convey through this blogpost is to be compassionate with yourself and others. By choosing joy, we are acknowledging that we all have a shadow self (the side of ourselves that others do not know about. The side of ourselves that struggles with depression, anxiety, lust, loneliness, childhood trauma, guilt, shame, vulnerability, etc.), which we are working on each day. We take note of our shortcomings, but we also highlight our accomplishments. We do not allow mistakes of the past to haunt us in our present. We understand that we cannot dictate how another person feels, but we choose to move freely in our lives. We love those who love us, and we release those who are not good for us. We surround ourselves with mirrors of who we are. We do not hold grudges. We forgive ourselves every day, because we are learning about ourselves every day. That is what I mean by choosing joy.


Hey beautiful people. For this blogpost, I wanted to keep it short and sweet so that you can digest some joy and go about your respective journey. Always remember to fill yourself with positivity, abundance and compassion. Forgive yourself for your mistakes because (God, the Source, Goddess, Mother Earth, Oshun, etc.) already has! I have struggled with self-forgiveness for quite some time. I thought for so many years that there was something inherently wrong with me. Come to find out, God makes no mistakes and we all are His works of art. Like Tabitha Brown says, “I am a fan of His work”. I truly am because I love people with all of my heart & soul. Not being able to hug, touch and hold onto loved ones is a trigger for me. I am torn between giving people their space or really honing into my friendships. Sometimes, I may chase or do too much because I want to remind people around me how much I care for them and love them, because nothing in this world is promised. We are infinite spiritual beings having a temporary human experience. But, I am beginning to realize that I have been attempting to do God’s job. My mission/purpose is to spread love, but it is God’s job to maintain the world. It feels good to release that weight off of my back. Since I was very young, I felt the need to accomplish something of high magnitude in order to impress God and feel that I deserve to be here. But you know what? I deserve to be here even if I do not do anything productive today. You deserve to be here even if you have been procrastinating working out, like I have LOL. You deserve to be here even if you made a mistake. You deserve to be here even if you are going through a breakup. Even if you got fired. Even if you have to start over. You deserve to be here. You deserve to enjoy life. You deserve to be happy. You are worthy of that and no one can take that away from you. 


In conclusion, I want to send love, peace and blessings onto you all as you venture off into your life. Whatever you do, love yourself because you are going to spend the rest of your time on this Earth in your body. Please cherish it because it is a work of beauty. I send this blessing to my fellow Black bodies especially because we tend to neglect and ignore our personal health and wellness. Please pour into your cup no matter what. We will get justice for Breonna Taylor. We will get justice for Elijah McClain. We will get justice for Tony McDade. We will get justice for those who have been brutalized and killed by the hands of ill-tempered law enforcement. We will get justice for the hundreds of Black trans women who have lost their lives to Black men/men of color who felt ashamed of themselves and took it out on Black trans bodies. We will get justice for those who have been locked in cages due to ICE’s bs excuse to moderate illegal immigration. This country doesn’t even BELONG TO US! WE ARE ALL ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ESPECIALLY WHITE AMERICANS. THIS IS INDIGENOUS AMERICAN SOIL! BLACK PEOPLE WERE STOLEN. WE ARE THE RESULT OF LOOTING. We will get justice for the many girls/young women (especially Black girls/young women) who are currently being human-trafficked. We also want to pray for the many people who have been going through financial struggles/turmoil and/or poverty. As well as those who are struggling with mental health, and have taken their lives due to the current pandemic which can be anxiety-inducing and very stressful. I heard a young Black girl had taken her life due to this quarantine period. She couldn’t have been older than 14 years old. A baby. Please check on one another. So many of us suffer in silence and we do not have to. My heart breaks for their mothers, fathers, siblings and anyone who cared for them, because they were worthy of life. So I say all of that to say, we will get justice! I promise you! I am praying for you every step of the way. You can do this. I love you. Be optimistic, but be realistic. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be frustrated. Emotions exist for a reason. They are a guide to what is going on in the inner-workings of you. Much love. See you later!

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