If You Were Mine, I Wouldn’t Want to Go to Heaven



Good evening my beautiful readers! I felt inspired to do a new blogpost. I recently finished season one of the hit TV-series “Cherish the Day” starring Xosha Roquemore and Alano Miller. Now, this will not be a review of the series, because I want you all to enjoy this series for yourselves. The show is an anthology, which is great since there will be different couples each season. The first season centers around Gently James (Roquemore) and Evan Fisher (Miller). I do not want to spill too many details, but I want to go into Roquemore’s character Gently.


Gently James showed me a lot about myself. Gently’s resistance to receiving love from Evan showed how many emotional scars she is still attempting to heal from. Gently is carefree, loves to travel and enjoys personal freedom. However, Gently is recovering from hurt due to the abandonment of her mother. Gently gives her all to people and she loves to help out. Gently prefers to do things her way, but she is not always open to different ways to solve issues. Gently is going through a hard time learning how to be a wife. But, all wives strive to be better like husbands do and like all people do. Gently can be too hard on herself. Gently takes care of Miss Luma diligently and she has a knack for relating to others. Gently is very well-versed in culture and she is a lover of the world. As I jot down traits I have observed about Gently, I see so many similarities. I have not been abandoned by my mother, but I have been resistant to receiving love and acceptance from others.


Gently is a strong, independent, ambitious woman, but she has a hard time opening up to what she truly feels. “That’s fine” and “Whatever”, are common sayings that Gently utters when she is upset. Even Evan notices her facial expressions she makes when she is being dishonest about her feelings towards situations. So, to sum it up, passive aggression, resistance to love, struggling to be her true self, coping with past pain, but still showing up for herself in the world. I would say that is me. I think that is all of us. Our past negative experiences may have hurt us more than we thought it did. Maybe we have tried to recover through different ways, but we have all experienced trials and tribulations, because that is the essence of life. Facing those adversities and getting through them, but still taking that leap of faith to start all over if you have to. Observing Gently so tense and nonresponsive to Evan at times. Seeing her replay moments of tension and hostility like a VCR tape. Watching her make up with him realizing that she may have been “too tough”. I saw so much of myself. When I get mad, my body posture can be tense, my facial expression can feel so stiff and my mind can overanalyze every painful moment. Whether it was words that were said, actions done, every detail, I remember it all and I play it back. But, when I saw Gently do it, I realized how counterproductive it was. Replaying the pain and storing it away in the “guilt-inducing dossier” is not healthy. It’s like trying to walk down the street with a ball and chain wrapped around your ankle. You have not released the weight of the past. The hurt you felt. The sadness. The disappointment. The regret. The pain. The anxiety. Please release it. Do it for you. Forgive yourself and everyone else, because just like we are works in progress, so are everyone else. By no means do I think Gently is a bad person. Gently is a human being, who has been through a lot and is trying each day to be a better version of herself. She is so down-to-earth, responsible and always willing to give her time to support others. Her beauty is not only physical, but spiritual. She teaches people how to treat her. A trait that I have always admired about Black women. Black women demand respect. Black women are passionate. Black women are aware that they deserve the best. I adore Gently, because pieces of her are within myself. If you see qualities of Gently that you see in yourself, please recognize that you are human and that is okay to be in recovery mode. My mother commented that it appears to her that “Gently is not whole”. We hear that a lot. “You must be whole, not incomplete, to be in a relationship”. It is very accurate. I think that Gently is working towards being whole in her career and identity first, before she can fully commit her whole self to Evan. She loves Evan, but it is hard for her to let go of what she knows, where she has been and who she used to be. If you are Gently, you are constantly working on yourself. If you are Gently, you look for the joy in life. If you are Gently, you have a protective shield around your heart designed for personal safety. If you are Gently, weakening the shield around those who love you is incredibly important. If you are Gently, you are a gentle giant who desires liberation and acceptance.


In conclusion, I urge you all to watch “Cherish the Day” on the OWN Network. It has all of the episodes on demand as well. I believe that since it is an anthology, there will be a new couple on the next season. However, I became so attached to Gently and Evan because there are such a beautiful couple. They compliment one another so well. On screen, the chemistry is undeniable and effortless. It is such a joy to watch them show affection towards one another. I noticed that relationships and marriage are hard. We make a choice everyday to show up for our partner. DeWanda Wise (real life wife of Alano Miller aka Nola Darling omg I love her!) states that “I think of it [marriage] as self love for two. If I am making myself coffee, I should probably make a little more [referring to Alano]”. So when you are in love, you make a little bit more coffee. A little bit more eggs. A little bit more room on the bed. Just a little bit more for you and your partner. I love you all and I hope you have an incredible day. God bless you and your loved ones. I am praying for your safety, protection and wellness (physical, emotional, mental, psychological and spiritual). Until next time! Later!

2 thoughts on “If You Were Mine, I Wouldn’t Want to Go to Heaven

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