Hello my beautiful readers! We meet again! I am so grateful to see your lovely face again. Parting with such great sorrow, but I am back! I have missed you all dearly. The last posting was a while ago, but a great friend of mine inspired me to come back. I am sometimes a bit nervous to write because feelings that I did not even realize I had, comes out in my writing. However, I believe that this post may provide a source of peace and calm during this trying time.
MS. RONA IS OUT TO PLAY
I pray that all of you are safe, secure and in a positive environment during this period of self-quarantine. If you are unable to be in a positive or safe environment during this time, I would like to extend a special prayer onto you. I want you to know that I love you, you are needed, this season is FOR YOU and God bless you. Now, Ms. Corona La’Shay DaVirus is out to gather the girls up LOL! She is coming with vengeance. In all seriousness, I want to extend gratitude to all essential and non-essential workers. We all have ways that we provide for ourselves and our families, so we should not shame one another for going out or staying in. We are all human beings with free will and a spirit of discernment, so this time should be used for developing more compassion for one another as well as self-compassion. Self-compassion, I know it sounds crazy but hear me out. How many times have you been extremely hard on yourself? Killed your dream while it was in your head? Put pressure on yourself to get a task completed in a short period of time? Put your self care last on the to-do list? Didn’t look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how wonderful you are? Please take this season to appreciate all of the greatness that is you! Yes, YOU! The Coronavirus pandemic is an uncontrollable, traumatic event that we as humans are unable to control. Although it is daunting and scary, what we can control is our reactions, emotions, thoughts and actions. So please do not beat yourself up if you do not achieve all of your goals. Do not criticize yourself if your projects, pieces of work or assignments do not come out perfectly. Do not judge yourself for sleeping in, watching movies or spending time with family. I believe that this time is intentional and maybe this will show us all (including myself) that OUR SELF-WORTH IS NOT WRAPPED UP IN WHAT WE CAN DO FOR THE WORLD AND OTHERS. We are born with self-worth! We are given self-worth when we enter this world. Our bodies, our minds, our spirits and our souls were detailed and crafted so that we can bring our God-given gifts into the world. But, our time for recuperation, self-discovery and reflection is just as important as what we put into this world. You are worth more than your job. You are worth more than your latest project. You are worth more than a test, exam or benchmark. You are your being and all that you have inherited is worthy of accolades, applause and adoration. You are loved, needed and your existence is non-negotiable. Take it from someone who spent almost 18 years disliking the body he was in. After so many attempts, I realized that God needed me to stay in this world. So, keep doing you, no matter what that is. Rest up. Take it easy. Pace yourself. But, dream big. Journal if you can. Watch some TED Talks. Start juicing or implement a plant-based diet. Go on a detox. Hug your family. Pray for your family. Compliment yourself. Dress up for the living room (aka nightclub). Do your makeup for the kitchen (aka bar). Lol what? You got to get creative during hard times.
Hey guys, so “Noah’s Notes” will be a new segment of my blogposts, where I will include my personal thoughts and opinions on my life. I will share lessons I have learned and what I have/am going through at the moment.
- I am a bit nervous about how the COVID-19 pandemic is affecting school and work. I planned on getting a summer job and saving up some money because I am transferring schools and I am thinking about heading to Georgia, since my aunt lives there and I miss her so much plus there are some great HBCU’s down there. However, Howard has always been a dream and thankfully I was accepted before but I declined to attend Pitt-Bradford. My friend Dasia goes there and it would be nice to be around her and spend more time together because she is such a fun time. She is a Taurus, so she always keeps my crazy Sagittarius self grounded LOL.
- I have learned to let go and let God. I love people very hard, but I do not want to force anyone to stay. I have realized that my efforts are enough and my love does not go unnoticed. I may not speak the exact same love language as others, but I strive to make everyone feel accepted, valued and cared for. I noticed how desperate I was for people to stay, but I know that we all have different plans and it is perfectly fine if we are unable to journey this lifetime together. But, there is no malice, ill will or bitterness in my heart. I had a deep conversation with Dasia and she said, “Noah, no one else knows how your experience was. Only you do. And you may need to let it go, and start being good to yourself”. When she said that, I heard God say “Let it go”. It was just like when he said it to me in 8th grade. After years of being referred to as the “gay boy” and feeling othered all the time, I heard God say “Let it go”. Whether it was the name-calling, being left out, feeling used or taken advantage of, etc., He told me to let it go. So I laid it down and told myself that I am done being a victim. I am not perfect, but I am not a monster. I have had misplaced angry episodes. I have cursed, yelled and screamed, but inside I was crying. I didn’t know how to say “I need help”. Thoughts like , “Why wont this person like me or love me? What is wrong with me? Why do I not look as good as other guys? Is that why I am single? Am I boring? Why am I not enough?” would circulate my head and I did not know how to put out these flames of insecurity, anxiety and low-self compassion. I stopped calling myself names because when I insult myself, I insult my mother, who is one of the most beautiful woman in my world along with my grandmother, aunts, cousins, nieces and friends. I am a piece of them and my face is proof of my heritage. I start my mornings with positive affirmations.
- “I am beautiful”
- “I love my nose”
- “I am so sexy and attractive”
- “I love my smile”
- “I am my ancestor’s prayer”
- “Everything that has been given to me is good enough”
- “I am good enough”
- “I have everything I need to succeed”
- “My dreams have no limits”
- “I will achieve my prophecy”
I wrote them down just for you! Look in the mirror and look into your eyes. Look in your soul and say those things to yourself. You are worth it. So, next time you think about tearing yourself down, think about if you would say that to your daughter, or a close friend, or your sister, or your mother. You are beautifully and fearfully made, man, woman or non-binary. You are created in God’s image and likeness and you are destined for greatness. Sorry I sound so preachy, but I feel that someone needs to hear this, because I needed this talk just yesterday LOL.
- I am excited to possibly major in film/media arts. I have always had such a fascination with the arts and visuals. I love to tell stories and bring life to the screen. I love talking pictures and capturing the humanity of people. We are flawsome (shoutout to Tyra Banks). We are dope. We are human. I am unsure if I am making the right move because it is a leap of faith. But, then again, faith is taking a leap and not knowing if you might fall. But mannnnnn, I have fell so many times that I just carry a first-aid kit with me (shoutout to my aunt LOL), so that I can bandage myself up and keep going.
- Love life woes. I am currently single and really dating myself. I noticed how much of a people pleaser I was and I hate that. I will never be self-centered or narcissistic, but I will be self-compassionate. I cannot put myself last anymore and I must prioritize myself. I am not the bottom of the barrel. I am a trophy that deserves to be shown off and catered to. I am worthy of being loved. Relationships do scare me because it requires vulnerability and only my family know about the real me. The imperfect, wears mix-matched socks me. The spends about 2 hours in the bathroom to do my hair me (you know the curls got to be popping). But, that me is the real me and I have to love and accept the real me before I expect anyone else to.
In conclusion, as I am about to play Dragon Ball Z: Xenoverse 2 (such a geek), I want you all to know how important you are and reading my blog means so much to me. I thank God for you and I hope you and your family have peace of mind. A friend of mine, Nia, would always say, “I pray for anyone who is going through secret battles”. I don’t know if she knows, but I say that every time I pray now, because we are all going through something that we do not speak about. If you need to, speak it. Your story could be someone’s testimony. If you can’t speak it, give it God and let Him take care of it. Whether it is God, Allah, Buddha, going to Temple, meditation or the universe. Whatever your source is, release it so that your sanity will not be compromised. I love you and lastly, why fit in when you’re born to stand out?