Why You Should Keep Showing Up?

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Good morning beautiful human! Today is a new day full of opportunities and second chances to be even better than you were before. This morning I awoke a bit off. I had this dream about meeting Nicki Minaj at the backstage concert. The crazy thing was that I had purchased backstage passes for her upcoming Queen concert back in my senior year of high school. I am not sure if it meant that it was going to happen or was it just my fantastical imagination? Either way, I awoke with gratitude. I am so grateful for a second chance to be a better version of Noah than I had been before. No more obsessive behaviors and I will not take it into 2020. Ever since I had developed acne, I began to start this mannerism where I would feel insecure about the way I looked, so I would scurry to the bathroom and either hate on myself, over wash my face or just pick myself apart. Now, I know that this was such a toxic trait and I must admit that I have done it even yesterday. I have trouble with that since it is such an ingrained behavior, but I am learning to undo negative traits. If I do catch myself in the mirror, I will try to uplift myself and build myself up. I also have learned that I must work on not getting so worked up so fast. For all of my people, IF YOU DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE GOING TO SEE CERTAIN FAMILY MEMBERS, DO NOT GO! I had gotten a bit of an attitude when a relative of my aunt had shown up, but I am glad he came because he revealed my triggers. Loudness, yelling, cursing and calling others out really gets under my skin. I hate to see people bully others because it is just so whack. Now I know that I try to stand up for others, because I know the feeling of being humiliated and not having someone stand up for you, so maybe that is why I try to do that for others. Lastly, the negative trait that I have acquired through the years have been wanting to be right all of the time. I think that comes from the false belief that “I don’t know” does not qualify as an answer. I always thought that if I did not know something then I would be perceived as less intelligent. However, I have come to the conclusion is “I don’t know” is an answer. It is okay to be vulnerable. It is okay to not know everything. I have wasted so much of my youth being angry about what is not happening instead of being grateful for what is. Going into this new decade, I want to shed those exterior layers and become more vulnerable. I want to become my best partner, so that when I do meet someone it will be out of personal connection rather than need. That’s what my Pattern app said about me LOL. By the way, please download Pattern because it generates your personality through the app. Super cool. I titled this blog “Why You Should Keep Showing Up”, because even through learning all of these things about myself, I still kept showing up. Whether it was being present in conversations or getting out of the bed. You making an effort to become a better you is how you can keep showing up. Please show up for yourself and make sure you love yourself and put yourself first in all situations. But, I wish love, light and strength onto all of my readers and supporters. I love you all so much. Thank you for including this blog into your life. I pray this new decade is full of blessings and triumphs. See you later.

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